Discoveries in Communication

Photo by: Leo Reynolds

Communication...Communication...Communication....

Not wanting to sound like a broken record, but OK, guilty as charged. Those of you who read this blog regularly know that communication is a recurring theme. For me, I’m constantly learning about communication. Not to say that I always, immediately practice what I learn… :) In fact, I can be a slow learner when it comes to some elements of communication. Just ask my wife… :)

But, this month I’d like to share a few discoveries I’ve made recently regarding communication.

First one: about 6 weeks ago, I was in a meeting and we were discussing communication and what happens when communication isn’t clear.

Absent clear communication, we end up living in a world of ASSUMPTIONS.
Our assumptions often run wild and we end up drawing CONCLUSIONS
(which, by the way, tend to usually be wrong…).
Conclusions too often trigger our EMOTIONS.
And, as you know, people usually make DECISIONS based on emotions;
decisions which, if you’re at all like me, in hindsight I REGRET…

TAKE AWAY LESSON NUMBER ONE:

Take your time to COMMUNICATE CLEARLY!

While we’re on emotions, here comes discovery number two:

When we let our emotions rule (I need to insert a brief commentary here…Emotions aren’t bad, but we need to be careful not to let them rule the roost.) we often:

• Can’t remember what we said in a conversation.
• Aren’t able to truly listen to the other person(s).
• Tend to get defensive.

Do any of those ring true for you?

TAKE AWAY LESSON NUMBER TWO:

Check yourself.

If you find your emotions taking over,

call a timeout!

Last discovery, for this month anyway…

I can only push PAUSE for myself…I can’t push pause for anyone else.

How many times have I wished I could reel back in something I’ve said? Maybe I was in a hurry. Maybe I was overly emotional. Maybe I had gotten defensive. Maybe I made assumptions. I can’t un-say something…And my listeners can’t un-hear what I’ve said. So…

TAKE AWAY LESSON NUMBER THREE:

Push my personal PAUSE button regularly.

Before blurting out the first thing that comes to mind, ask if I’ve really listened to understand (not just readied my retort) the other person. Then ask, in Brene Brown’s words:

Am I seeking to CONTRIBUTE

or simply to CRITICIZE?

If it’s the former, proceed. If it’s the latter, hit the DELETE button. You’ll be glad you did!